Subject: Re: Subhash and the Nehru family (THE *REAL* STORY) [EXCLUSIVE to SCI]

From: [email-masked] (Subbarao Kambhampati)
Date: 29 May 91 09:11:15 GMT

In article <[email-masked]> [email-masked] (Anil Kaul) writes:
>
> Can anybody tell me "If Subhash Bose did not die in the air crash why
> he did he hide. In case he wanted to hide from the British why did       
> he not come from hiding after India got Independence. I don't
> think that he was so afraid of Nehru that he would hide for ever
> after all he was one of the bravest men around at that time.

Aaahaa! Another person ignorant of the great Subhas Chandra Bose
Konspiracy. Well--obviously it is time we retold the story in all its
gory details. It is like this: 

At the time Subhas Chandra Bose (SCB)'s plane crashed, SCB was dozing
in his seat. Being a rather swash-buckling kinda guy, he was not
wearing his seat belt. So, when the plane hit the ground, he kinda got
thrown out of the plane. Fortunately, the pillow on which he was
sleeping--not your PanAm type wimpy ones, but a rather robusht pillow,
a pillow more like a sealy posturpaedic mattress than a pillow--got
stuck to his oily hair and when he hit the ground, the pillow
interceded between his head and the hard mountainous terrain.  This
miraculous event helped him escape certain death.

At around the same time, Stalin sent hi RAPS (Russian Airline Pillow
Survivor) unit to patrol the mountainous terrains, just on the off
chance that a pillow-survivor might suddenly materialize, and darned
if one didn't, right on the dot!  So the RAPS kwickly reacted to the
situation and apprehended SCB. They took him to siberia (c'mon--you
didn't expect them to take him to vladivostok did you?) and put him in
a camp. He was given full military honors by Stalin, who also allowed
him (SCB) to use his (Stalin's) phone to make a call to his (SCB's)
diamond and ruby collection agents in Japan and Denmark.

Because of the bad telephone lines in Russia at that time, it took him
about 6-7 years to get through on the phone--during which time India,
unfortunately, achieved independence, and Nehru, in the absence of
SCB, squeaked by to become PM of India.  (A little known factoid: Very
few people know about the great Write-in konspiracy at this point. You
see, during the elections for first PM, SCB was overwhelming winner as
a write-in candidate. However, the ruling triumvirate consisting of
Gandhi, Nehru, and Preroj Shah Kotla Stadium did some massive
underhanded goodals and made Nehru the PM, and Pheroj Shah the Sports
complex!  Some bengalis never forgave the triumvirate for this.).

When SCB finally did reach his associates, he instructed them to send
the collected diamonds and rubys to India by a plane. He himself was
to take the next Aeroflot plane to Addis Abbabba, and catch a ride to
Calcutta. This is where the famous "Diamond Theft" occured which
threw SCB's plans into a disarray. The basic facts are as follows. 

  Venue: Japaam. Departure: A plane full of Diamonds and Rubys

  Venue: New Delhi  Arrival: A plane *not* full of nary a Diamond nor a Ruby

On the same day, Kiran Bedi, an over-zealous delhi police-officer, is
rumored to have caught Rahul Gandhi trying to sneak by with a largish
bag of sparkling substancees into Teen Murty Bhavan. This rumor was
never confirmed--and the Nehru family swiftly destroyed all the
evidence (including the plane--despite the protestations of JAL
people).  However, some Bengalis *KNEW* that Nehrus did it, of course.
(Indeed it is rumored that even now, on some full-moon nights, if you
look at teen murty bhavan at a certain angle, it looks like a bag of
diamonds collected in denmark and japan.)

When this news reached SCB, he was crest fallen of course. To begin
with, he was very much looking forward to take charge of the Azad Hind
Phauz and fight for Independence, and was verily disappointed to hear
from the Russians that India was, technically, independent at that
point of time. And, NOW THIS! 

He was hoping to use those diamonds and rubys to finance his election
campaign to unseat Nehru. It was now quite obvious that he had no
chance of ever doing it. Not only has his popularity gone down in the
intervening years, but this blighter Nehru curried favours from the
voters (cf. Pranay Gupte--India: The Great Curry) by building a dam
here, an industry there, and generally enthralling the populace with
his stories about the discovery of electricity and all that.

SCB could not bring himself to go to India as an ordinary citizen, and
disappoint the hundreds upon hundreds of his supporters in Calcutta.
He knew that they would be happier with him remaining an enigma than
coming out as a failure. That is when SCB made his fateful decision to
take up permanent residence in Siberia. Soon, he got his white card,
bought a two-storey igloo, and became a successful archeologist and
ice-hockey player. (Indeed, it is rumoured that the paper "On the
Archtitecture of sub-arcitic Ice hockey stadiums" published under the
cleverly disguised name "Subhosky Chunder Bosonov," in the
trasactions of slovenian philological society circa 1962 was actually
by SCB. Though many bengali subscribers of the Slovenian Transactions
brought this to Nehru's notice, he very callously avoided instituting
a 27-member committee to investigate into this. Some Bengalis never
forgave Nehru for this.)

There you have it, berthers and sisters--a tale of heroic pillow, and
a villanous prime minister. A great patriot sabotaged by the savage
greed of Nehrus. A stirring story. A heart wrenching story. A story
that keeps many a calcuttan enraged even to this day.

Rao
[The SCI Historian]
[With apologies to SCB, may his soul rest in peace, and to bengalis--
 my in-laws... ;-)]

-------

Coming soon to a bboard near you: The insidious part played by DMK in
the assassination of M.K. Gandhi. 

[Of course, you never heard of such a thing, you fool!  You think the
DMK folks didn't make sure that everything was kept under covers? How
*naive* of you! Why do you think the assassination took place in
Delhi--conveniently far away from Madras? Just to deflect attention
from the separatist DMK culprits, of course!!!]