From leland.Stanford.EDU!stanford.edu!sunrise!rao Wed May 29 07:38:34 PDT 1991 Article: 25406 of soc.culture.indian Path: leland.Stanford.EDU!stanford.edu!sunrise!rao From: rao@sunrise.Stanford.EDU (Subbarao Kambhampati) Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian Subject: Re: Subhash and the Nehru family (THE *REAL* STORY) [EXCLUSIVE to SCI] Summary: my monthly quota of nonsense Message-ID: <562@sunrise.Stanford.EDU> Date: 29 May 91 09:11:15 GMT References: <1991May29.051425.16630@gpu.utcs.utoronto.ca> <1991May29.061019.8452@milton.u.washington.edu> Organization: Stanford University, California, USA Lines: 110 In article <1991May29.061019.8452@milton.u.washington.edu> anilkaul@milton.u.washington.edu (Anil Kaul) writes: > > Can anybody tell me "If Subhash Bose did not die in the air crash why > he did he hide. In case he wanted to hide from the British why did > he not come from hiding after India got Independence. I don't > think that he was so afraid of Nehru that he would hide for ever > after all he was one of the bravest men around at that time. Aaahaa! Another person ignorant of the great Subhas Chandra Bose Konspiracy. Well--obviously it is time we retold the story in all its gory details. It is like this: At the time Subhas Chandra Bose (SCB)'s plane crashed, SCB was dozing in his seat. Being a rather swash-buckling kinda guy, he was not wearing his seat belt. So, when the plane hit the ground, he kinda got thrown out of the plane. Fortunately, the pillow on which he was sleeping--not your PanAm type wimpy ones, but a rather robusht pillow, a pillow more like a sealy posturpaedic mattress than a pillow--got stuck to his oily hair and when he hit the ground, the pillow interceded between his head and the hard mountainous terrain. This miraculous event helped him escape certain death. At around the same time, Stalin sent hi RAPS (Russian Airline Pillow Survivor) unit to patrol the mountainous terrains, just on the off chance that a pillow-survivor might suddenly materialize, and darned if one didn't, right on the dot! So the RAPS kwickly reacted to the situation and apprehended SCB. They took him to siberia (c'mon--you didn't expect them to take him to vladivostok did you?) and put him in a camp. He was given full military honors by Stalin, who also allowed him (SCB) to use his (Stalin's) phone to make a call to his (SCB's) diamond and ruby collection agents in Japan and Denmark. Because of the bad telephone lines in Russia at that time, it took him about 6-7 years to get through on the phone--during which time India, unfortunately, achieved independence, and Nehru, in the absence of SCB, squeaked by to become PM of India. (A little known factoid: Very few people know about the great Write-in konspiracy at this point. You see, during the elections for first PM, SCB was overwhelming winner as a write-in candidate. However, the ruling triumvirate consisting of Gandhi, Nehru, and Preroj Shah Kotla Stadium did some massive underhanded goodals and made Nehru the PM, and Pheroj Shah the Sports complex! Some bengalis never forgave the triumvirate for this.). When SCB finally did reach his associates, he instructed them to send the collected diamonds and rubys to India by a plane. He himself was to take the next Aeroflot plane to Addis Abbabba, and catch a ride to Calcutta. This is where the famous "Diamond Theft" occured which threw SCB's plans into a disarray. The basic facts are as follows. Venue: Japaam. Departure: A plane full of Diamonds and Rubys Venue: New Delhi Arrival: A plane *not* full of nary a Diamond nor a Ruby On the same day, Kiran Bedi, an over-zealous delhi police-officer, is rumored to have caught Rahul Gandhi trying to sneak by with a largish bag of sparkling substancees into Teen Murty Bhavan. This rumor was never confirmed--and the Nehru family swiftly destroyed all the evidence (including the plane--despite the protestations of JAL people). However, some Bengalis *KNEW* that Nehrus did it, of course. (Indeed it is rumored that even now, on some full-moon nights, if you look at teen murty bhavan at a certain angle, it looks like a bag of diamonds collected in denmark and japan.) When this news reached SCB, he was crest fallen of course. To begin with, he was very much looking forward to take charge of the Azad Hind Phauz and fight for Independence, and was verily disappointed to hear from the Russians that India was, technically, independent at that point of time. And, NOW THIS! He was hoping to use those diamonds and rubys to finance his election campaign to unseat Nehru. It was now quite obvious that he had no chance of ever doing it. Not only has his popularity gone down in the intervening years, but this blighter Nehru curried favours from the voters (cf. Pranay Gupte--India: The Great Curry) by building a dam here, an industry there, and generally enthralling the populace with his stories about the discovery of electricity and all that. SCB could not bring himself to go to India as an ordinary citizen, and disappoint the hundreds upon hundreds of his supporters in Calcutta. He knew that they would be happier with him remaining an enigma than coming out as a failure. That is when SCB made his fateful decision to take up permanent residence in Siberia. Soon, he got his white card, bought a two-storey igloo, and became a successful archeologist and ice-hockey player. (Indeed, it is rumoured that the paper "On the Archtitecture of sub-arcitic Ice hockey stadiums" published under the cleverly disguised name "Subhosky Chunder Bosonov," in the trasactions of slovenian philological society circa 1962 was actually by SCB. Though many bengali subscribers of the Slovenian Transactions brought this to Nehru's notice, he very callously avoided instituting a 27-member committee to investigate into this. Some Bengalis never forgave Nehru for this.) There you have it, berthers and sisters--a tale of heroic pillow, and a villanous prime minister. A great patriot sabotaged by the savage greed of Nehrus. A stirring story. A heart wrenching story. A story that keeps many a calcuttan enraged even to this day. Rao [The SCI Historian] [With apologies to SCB, may his soul rest in peace, and to bengalis-- my in-laws... ;-)] ------- Coming soon to a bboard near you: The insidious part played by DMK in the assassination of M.K. Gandhi. [Of course, you never heard of such a thing, you fool! You think the DMK folks didn't make sure that everything was kept under covers? How *naive* of you! Why do you think the assassination took place in Delhi--conveniently far away from Madras? Just to deflect attention from the separatist DMK culprits, of course!!!]